~ a little bit of me and a much more of my Father ~

2011-06-20T11:10:00.002+08:00

Tuhan maafkan lah aku jika aku menyakiti hatiMu

maafkan lah aku jika aku menyakiti hati saudara/ri ku

maafkan lah aku jika aku mengambil sesuatu yang bukan menjadi hak ku

Selidiki aku, lihat hatiku

apakah ku sungguh mengasihi Mu Yesus

Kau yang maha tahu, dan menilai hidupku

tak ada yang tersembunyi bagiMu

T'lah kulihat kebaikan Mu

yang tak pernah habis dihidupku

Ku berjuang sampai akhirnya

Kau dapati aku tetap setia

Berkatilah & kuatkan lah Nikki ya Tuhan

Berkatilah & kuatkan lah dia

Biar sukacita dan damai sejahterah Mu ada pada nya

dalam nama Tuhan Yesus Kristus aku berdoa

Officially 11 June 2011

2011-06-16T16:05:00.002+08:00

thank you Lord!

2 years exactly I've been praying and i thank You for every moment passed

thank you for the lesson taught, thank u for the confirmations

thank you for the ups and down

finally it's officially now..

not only blessings from the leadership, but from our family too

things that I worried before, You have settled it for me

You have truly turn my sorrow into joy

my mourning into dancing

and my trials into testimony

Our continues prayer is through this relationship, our life may be a living testimony

may what we do & say will leave a good legacy for our generation, the older & younger generation

We pray that we wont be stagnant but continue to receive vision from you that we may be able to do things you want us to do as an individual and as a couple

May we grow stronger in you

May we be acceptable before you

May our life be a pleasant aroma unto you

May it be less of us and more of you

May we continue to remember the purpose you have for us

May we continue to encourage one another

By the grace of God, may we be able to be selfless & not selfish

If ever we forget, help us to remember again why we loved each other in the first place

It's the beginning of an exciting journey

May You continually be the center of all! Always and forever more

To God be the glory now and forever

AMEN

^_^

2010-07-09T09:35:00.002+08:00

it's been a year and 25 days now
God has been good & faithful
but above all... let Your will be done Lord, not mine

Prayed and still praying..waiting for God's best timing ^_^

2009-12-15T15:26:00.003+08:00

O DEAR!
It's been soooooo long since the last time I ever write something here.. Every time i wanna write something, there's always something come up, at the end just save it as a draft

haha..
this one here was the last one I wrote in 2009 >.<..
I really get myself together & start writing again hohoho..JIA YOUUU :)

wow! it's been a year since the last time i post something here
and now it's almost end of the year 2009.

wow!
God has been really good and forever faithful to me
i don't know where to start and i know i could never end it here
His goodness and His mercy are always new EVERY single morning
His grace was really proven more than enough to face my daily challenges

From waiting for a job for a year
the ups and down, the tears and laughter, the pressures
Not only that, after getting the job, another drama came up
The Immigration problem, the "held" in Singapore
the working visa, the salary, etc..
ah!
I can proudly say, I OVERCAME!
Coz my God has made me more than an over-comer!
I was promoted just within 6months
Increase in Salary, became a Year Leader, trusted for things
ah!
and that's only @ work place!
Ministry & family, they are good! but I really believe for more to come..
coz.. He is constantly challenging me to grow more
wuuhh...it's gonna be a great 2010! a year of completion indeed!
a year of more and more testimony :)
woHooOOooOOooOOOoOOOOoOOOOooooOOOOOooOO

nov 16,2008

2008-11-21T15:36:00.003+08:00

"He'll provide a platform for me to share my pain & hurt

I don't have to please any man, He will use me just the way I am"

*bingung*

ACTS church evening service a prayer by Eld. KY - November 16th -

tick tick tick

2008-11-15T00:43:00.003+08:00

the clock is ticking again... well it has never stop anyway...

it's 2 days to home, and still believing for my miracle to happen

it's not easy, but i know it's worthy to wait upon God's planning

it's not flowery at all, but it has a beautiful ending for my soul

it's not a valley, but it's a mountain that i have 2 climb wiv someone who knows the way

it's a God thing not mine

it's for Him to handle not mine

it's the cross i have to carry wiv Him by my side

it's a race i have to finish

it's worthy...i hope... no! i know!

missing you

2008-10-13T02:09:00.003+08:00

dearest friends,
I was looking at our old pictures and I smiled
It tells stories how we always hang out with eachother with very little that we had
we always out for makan together and just go watch movies together...it was very rare to be able 2 watch movies so often thou, but we treasure those moments together
and we would take pictures in every corner with every poses

from long hair to short and to long again
from bold, to un-clean curly hair, till super huge brocolly hair
from red to black to dark brown
from long to bold
we had all pictures taken and even the worse pose and we would just laugh

we shared tears and joy together
we shared nasty moments and made it onto a photo frame in our hearts
we took a family picture together till one of us was out with another of us
we had lots of fun, the ups and down

but.... now....
what happened to us? I wondered...
we stayed even nearer to eachother, yet we hardly go out
we stayed just next door, yet we hardly talked
we stand on the same floor, we cooked at the same kitchen and we drank from the same water dispenser, yet we hardly met eachother on daily basis
you had your agenda and so did I
you had your own while I'm still driving my old ferrari

what had happen to us? our friendship?
where did the unity gone? where did we went wrong? since when we started to expect higher than before? since when we split our friendship into different group? since when I stand here and you are there? we are so near, just next to eachother, yet we are so far away
we care about eachother so much, thou now words was more now than action
I clean alone, eat alone, sometimes with just the few of us, I watched TV alone, sometimes with you but I feel like a stranger..
I am with you but we were never really together
I missed the old us, I missed our time together... the five of us...

If I can undo few things, maybe I would, but I know it will only hurt you,
so I chose to understand
If I can undo few things, maybe I would just kept quite and pretend everything was alrite so maybe you wouldn't be that far now

what happen to us? to our beautiful friendship?

i missed u... i missed us.... i missed all of us.....

can i ask u?

2008-10-01T03:29:00.002+08:00

they say a flower can express a thousand words,
but i don't have it now
they say a pencil is better than a memory
but i don't have a pencil now neither i have a paper to write down
i just open my laptop and starts to type what's in my head

but i can't

i feel it would be easier for me if i'm good in arranging words, but i'm not
i feel it would be easier for me if my brain is as fast as my typing to express what i'm feeling now
but i couldn't
i feel it would be easier if someone with a good english is here to help me out
but maybe she wouldn't understand coz i still can't express it in words

i remembered a song "bila hati terasa berat, tak seorang pun mengerti bebanku, ku tanya Yesus apa yang harus kubuat"
i guess it applies for me now
and all i can do is just cry and call His name

tonite seems so quite.. is it because of the holidays or is it really quite?
i am surrounded by people yet i still feel alone and lost

where should i go after all this?
after a long 8 years "finally" accomplishing my degree
where shoould i step in?
after moving from one country to another

suddenly i lost a sense of purpose
i'm not sure anymore

but then i heard a song "because He lives, i can face tomorrow, because He lives all fear are gone, because i know, i know He holds the future. Life is worth of living just because He lives"

should i be afraid? i shouldn't! but i am, a bit
should i be worry? i shouldn't! but i am, a bit
i'm only human, but He's not!

He forgives my unbelief

2008-08-26T00:51:00.007+08:00

The clock is ticking, the day seems to ended faster than usual.
My faith has been stretch and my heartbeat beating faster.
Everyday I'm waiting for a phone call that will put me to rest.
Each time I go to church, I waited for Pastor to say those confirmation so that I can end my anxiousness.
Each Altar call, I've waited for someone to lay hands on me and pray for me and confirm what God has spoken to me so that I may have peace.
Almost every night I say the same prayer and hoping He will answer me the next morning with a phone call.
I wasn't angry, I wasn't mad and I didn't blame Him for anything, but I was worried and I just realized though I had peace but I was still worry.

Yet, He wasn't angry with me and He didn't take His spirit away from me. He was actually drawing Himself nearer and nearer to me. He comfort my soul, give rest to my spirit and lifted me up.
Each day, faithfuly and gracefuly He speek words of encouragements and assurance. Reminded me of the things He did in the past for Abraham & Noah. Reminded me that even if I have a faith as small as a mustard seeds and say to a mountain to move from here to there, it will be moved! He told me that my faith has saved me.
He assured me with ways that only His spirit can do.
He put a smile on my face and in my heart. He gave me family & friends who supported me in prayers and who believe with me.

And though I have doubts, He never leave nor forsaken me. In fact, He came to me and say “I love you!” He came to me and in my spirit I can see Him smiled and welcome me in His arm while I was crying.
He wiped my tears and heal my wounded heart that was filled with worry and discouragement.

True enough, the confirmation didn’t come from the things I hoped it would come, but He confirmed His words & promises are yes and amen when Pastor used the same verses in His sermon on the last day of Revo conference. He assured me by allowing me to see in my spirit that I was standing on the stage during prayer service, sharing to many of how great God is and how He has provide me with a job! A job that only He can provide! A job that is the best for me and what I’ve actually wanted! And at that time His name will be lifted high, will be praised, will be shouted and glorified! People will see His glory! People will see that there is NOTHING impossible for God!!

And I know when that time comes, I will jump & I will shout praises unto Him more than now!

I can’t wait! I can’t wait for that time to come. I can’t wait to see Your glory shines and I can’t wait to tell the whole world what you have done!

Thank you for your faithfulness o Lord! Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you for not giving up on me! Thank you for stretching my faith and thank you for dealing with my doubts so patiently. Thank you for making me an overcomer! Thank you for helping me to be wise and mature. Thank you for taking time to teach me your way. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful Pastors, leaders, sisters & brothers and family. Thank you for trusting me that much when I know I don’t deserve such trust! Thank you for the job that you’ll give me! Thank you for everything! Thank you o Lord! Thank you!!

2008-05-21T17:09:00.003+08:00

Dear Lord,

there are so many disaster happening around me
that's not much i can do but to pray and ask people to pray together with me,
there's not much i can give them to help them financially
but i know Lord, that you are a God of so much more
and i know prayer does work

So i lift up my prayers unto you for my sisters and brothers around the world esp. myanmar, sichuan, phillippines & sumatera utara
comfort them and give them peace & joy...
give them all the help they need
i pray the aid will reach them smoothly (esp. myanmar)
i pray that Chrstians will rise up to the occasions and serve your people there and those who can't will pray together and contribute in what ever they can
i pray that your good news will spread out and will reach them out, give them hope, love, comfort and peace
i pray that those will people will come to know u, just like your word says...
but most of all right now protect those who are saved, keep them safe under your wings
and keep the volunteers safe too

i pray this simple prayers in Jesus name
Amen!

* myanmar, sichuan, phillippine, Sumtra Utara and other parts of The World *

2008-05-21T16:58:00.003+08:00

Dear Lord,

my heart was broken when i saw the pictures and vidoes of the natural disaster that's been happening around me
my tears was flowing and my mind was filled with so many questions
why Lord?
what can we do for them?
where do this people go?
do they know you yet?
how about the babies, children and the innocense?
where will they go?
where the heartbroken can go?
where the lost will go from there?
how about the wounded?
what can i do Lord?

yet... i know Lord,
when my heart is broken, yours is even worse coz they are you creation and you love them so much
you know them each by name and you heard their crying heart when death faced them
you wanted to reach out to them and save them
when my tears was flowing, your tears & blood was flowing

tell me Lord what can i do? and i'll do it! i will try to do my very best!

thank you

2008-05-16T00:56:00.004+08:00

Daddy...

thank you for your protection upon people that i care for

thank you for being an answer prayer God, coz Elsa will be coming for life retreat! yeah!!

I am sooo glad and grateful

thank you so much..
i really hope and believe my friend's dad will recover soon and 100% healed

i also believe that kakak will have a great fruitful time at the retreat

mmmm...

how about my sister in Jakarta?
and the car?
how ya God? hehe
coz i dunno who else to ask if it's not u and when no one else can answer me :)
soo.. am still waiting hehe...

much of love & hope
your daughter
*mwah*

luahan hati

2008-04-25T02:32:00.002+08:00

paTah hati lagi deh...
hehehe...
maybe relationship isn't for me he he he

*sigh*

affected by tiredness & situation... but i'll be fine in a few days time :)
*sigh*

grateful :)

2008-04-24T05:33:00.003+08:00

24 April 2008 05:33am

God, you amazed me!
i thank you coz your grace is really more than sufficient for me to face different challenges
thank you for faithfully guarding my heart and for becoming the strength of my heart when i'm down and confused
thank you for showing me your love that give me abundant life
thank you for understanding me deep within when no one else can
thank you for knowing the reason i cried and the reason i laugh when no one else know
thank you for the plan you've set for me
thank you for designing my life so perfectly, though sometimes i might not understand
thank you for being there for me in times of good and bad
thank you for carrying me and for your footprints on the sands
thank you for every little and big things you have done for me
thank you o Lord!

i'm not too sure how is it like to be liked by someone or at least when i thought there is someone who like me coz i kinda forgot how it feels...
and when i found out that he doesn't, and he actually like a good friend of mine... i thank God that you guard my heart even before i thought more and you've given me strength to carry on

i am so grateful!
grateful that i have you
thank you Lord coz i can reliefly smile :)

many love,
ur daughter ^.^

Songs of Joy

2008-04-24T05:11:00.002+08:00

Jesus, You are my friend

You are my strength

the rock that i stand

Jesus, You are my hope

the source of my joy

the air that i breathe

I will sing a hyme of praise

to You my Lord my God

saying I love you

saying I need you

I will shout a song of Joy

for the things that you have done

O Jesus... all of my days

Forever i will sing

D a.k.a B

2008-04-17T01:04:00.008+08:00

after waiting, praying and thinking...
i finally can say "i'm relief"
i finally can say "i'm ready to let u go"
i finally know where my heart is now

you are still a friend of mine
a friend who's very dear to me
i will keep our memory in my heart as a blessed journey
i will keep u in a special place in my life
you are still my good dear friend

thank you for finally buzz me
thank you for finally replying my message
thank you for finally reconcilled with me

i believe the two years that have passed was allowed by God
to show us His faithfulness & greatness in our life
i believe that He is and will always be there for us
to strengthen our friendship so that our story may be a blessing for others who might experience the same thing

i really thank God for every moment we've shared
for every moment we've missed
and for every moment we'll meet again

my prayers will always be with you dear friend
my blessings will always be with you with who ever God has put you to be with
my love will always be with you to hearten u
and i pray...
His love will always showers u, strengthen u and encourage you day by day
His forgiveness remains forever
His grace is more than sufficient for u to face all sort of challenges in ur life

lets start a new page of another journey with God
with our fellow good friends whom we met thru our walk with God

be bless and be happy

love,
tc

140408

2008-04-15T03:16:00.001+08:00

Thank u for a blessed day Lord…

Thank you for restoration… thank you that Your grace has taught us about forgiveness and your love has unite us in sisterhood and brotherhood. Thank you we have you as our role model, as our hero, as our friend, as our Lord and savior

Welcome back my dearest friend donny
happy blessed birthday my dearest friend Laurent

Prov 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Ecc 4: 9 - 10 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

22/02/08 - 1:29am

2008-02-22T01:15:00.000+08:00

God…
Thank you for the happy days you’ve given me
Today I am a bit sad
But I know I’ll be happy again tomorrow
Coz the Joy of the Lord is my strength and I know you’ll restore me soon

The Gift of Hope

2007-12-19T15:48:00.001+08:00

Hi,
My name is tessie, and I would like to share my true story with you.

Let me tell you a bit about my background. I come from Christian family. But for the past 20 years of my life I have been struggling with self esteem. Maybe due to the fact that I knew I was an unwanted child when my dad wanted to kill me when I was still in my mom’s womb because he thought my mom was having an affair. But we manage to stay alive.
As I grew up, beating was not a strange thing happened to us. My mom used to compare me with my sister due to my weakness in math. My uncle was once almost put his cigarette on my hand so I can memorize the lesson. My friends used to bully me because of my size, giving me nicknames like “Black Fat baboon” and guys basically they don’t like me bcoz of my size.

I almost kill myself twice and for the past 18 years I wasn’t being myself. I was hiding under the image of tomboy, being every girl’s bodyguard. I was smiling and look so happy on the outside but inside I was struggling. Hatred, disappointment, bitterness and pain has caused a tremendous low self-esteem in me.

As I moved on to College life in Australia, my best friend brought me to a church and even if I went to church in Indonesia before but never in my life I experience God as my personal savior. I know the story about Jesus but I never really had a relationship with Him until my friend told me more about Jesus. I was touched. As I found out more about Him, I found there is hope for my life and I am loved and I am precious and I am beautiful. He healed me in the inside made me realize that man can judge what is in the outside but He knows what is in the inside. And is enough for me to know that He cares. From broken pieces He made me whole again and He gave me the strength to forgive my family, my friends and myself. He restores me.

When my parent almost divorce, when my family situation gets worse, I found strength in God to pray for my family situation. I put my hope & trust in Him, believing that if He can restore me, He can and will restore my family. Now after more than 4 years of praying, love just overflow in my family. He enables us to forgive each other and start a new life that full of hope in God. From never reading the bible, now it becomes our favorite book to read. He restores us.

I thank God because He is so faithful when I’m not and He never leave nor forsaken me. He gives hope when no one and nothing else can’t.

If you experience same or similar situation or even worse, you can put your trust & hope in Jesus. Give yourself a chance to be restored because He loves you so much.

God bless

7.15 pm

2007-12-04T19:23:00.000+08:00

7.15 pm
@ d office

I didn’t know how am I going to go through today
I asked God for strength and patient
And He did!
I’ve made it through the day
With little sparkles of “upset” and “impatient” but I’ve made it
Sweating and physically tired, but I’ve made it

I don’t know how am I going to face tomorrow
But I know He will be there again
I hope with extra strength, love & patient :)

my Daddy told me:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”

and He reminded me:
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

3000 is minimal!

2007-11-26T09:49:00.000+08:00

In the strength of the Lord let me labor and pray,

Let me watch as a winner of souls,

That bright stars may be mine in the glorious day when His praise like the sea-billow rolls.

-Hewitt-

daily bread (25 Nov 2007)

Dear mommie 2nd

2007-11-17T18:27:00.000+08:00

thank you...

love,
your daughter

dear mommie

2007-11-13T15:47:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wondered why she couldn't understand why I do things my way

Not all things in this world can be measured by the much amount of money you received even if you are at your "poorest" moment

it would be wonderful if she supports me with the values that I'm holding

well I gues that's the challenge of a complete breakthrough
It will come to pass!

Everything

2007-11-10T09:41:00.000+08:00

Where can I go from you o Lord?
Where can I hide myself from you?
Every where I go, you are there
Watching over me even if I don’t want to
When I ran, you will look for me
When you know that I’m lost, you would cross thousands of miles
Just to find me so you can carry me home

When my life is in mess
You are there to make it right
Even if I say no! You will still come with an open arm
Even if I don’t want to be touched, you will still send your Holy Spirit to guard me
Even if I have sinned, you still come with arms of forgiveness
You will gently whisper
“I love you”

Amazing grace amazing love
Unworthy soul to fight for but you still carry on
Deeper than the ocean, higher than the sky that’s how your mercy showers me

O Lord… my dear Lord
Thank you for never giving up on me even if I gave up
Thank you for never leave nor forsaken me even if I have left you so many times
You are all I want, all I need
You are everything… everything my soul ever long for
Without you I will be lost
Without you I will be no where

You are everything
All I want, all I need
Everything my soul ever long for

move along

2007-10-11T16:42:00.000+08:00

is it time to move on?

*-____________-*

i am not a designer

2007-10-03T12:41:00.001+08:00

obviously?

am i?

then what am i doing now?

what is my calling?

*confusement & bit un-confidence mood is on*

Red Nose

2007-10-01T13:48:00.000+08:00

well, i'm not Rudolplh the Red Nosed Reindeer,

but i do have a running red nose haha + coughing + light migran hehehe...

~meler mulu niey~

you've done it again

2007-10-01T12:16:00.000+08:00

It was just last Wednesday (26/09) I completely lost my voice. I woke up in the morning with a rusky throat, heaviness in my body, struggling to wake up and go to work. I thought it was just a "morning symptom” where everyone’s voices become heavier. But as the day pass, sun was rising down, it was still like that. I was struggling to talk.

One think on my mind “O Lord, I’m going to sing this Saturday & Sunday. What am I supposed to do? Help me God”. I quickly went to the clinic as my body weakening. Asking for medicine, yet at the same time believing that God’s healing will come through before Saturday & Sunday. I still believe in miracles, He is still the same God yesterday, today & forever. And I still believe it can happened tomorrow.

Yet it didn’t

Thursday was even worse. Not only voice, but I lost my strength. My body was weakening again and had a light fever. My eyes was blur, my head was spinning as if I’m going to fall in a few minutes time.

I keep on praying and it was just a simple prayer

“Lord, I know you’ll heal me! I know I’ll be alrite and I know it’s going to be a testimony. It’s not about my performance; it’s about your healing that is real for me! And even if I can’t sing, I will sing forever in my heart for you! I will sing forever and ever and ever!”

I felt peace and little bit of strength to continue my work

As the morning pass by, noon comes, my body was weakening again and I knew I can’t hold any longer. Thank God for His favor, my lecture allowed me to take MC and just rest. So I did.

I went home, resting for the rest of the day.

The next day, I felt better. And praise God, I can hear my voice! Yay! And when people ask me about tomorrow & Sunday, I said to them confidently “don’t worry! I’ll be alrite! By God’s grace!”. True enough, he helped me to lead worship for the LUCT CF. God is so good!

Saturday,
All glory be to God who hears our prayer, even the simplest prayer. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well (James 5:15). Holding on to God’s word, I went to the Blook Grand Re-opening show and I sang. Praise God! All glory be unto God! I did it! No! He did it again! He helped my not with my strength but His spirit has helped me to sing to the best of me and all praises that people gave me, I return back to you Lord. Coz it wasn’t me, it was you all along. People say I sang like the original CD, but I know it was God.

Sunday,
Even at this day, the Family day, the day that the Lord has made and we all glad and rejoice in it. I was able to sing in choir & during the Acts Kids performance. They say I’ve done it well. Praise God! If only they knew it was God all along, it wasn’t me!

That’s why I want to share this so much coz I know it was Him not me.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight

Proverbs 3:5-6

God is good all the time and all the time He is always good :)

just wondering... hmmm... _

2007-09-01T08:55:00.000+08:00

just a thought that came to my mind just last night (after watching INVASION):

"what if i was placed in an island or a small city with ALL gay guys there and i'm the only girl there?"

........... i wondered ..........

i think my answer would be

"i will hug each and every one of them and do something there till i'm able to solve it"
but then a friend of mine says,
"hmmm...maybe after you hug them, they will throw you aside and say "GO away! we don't want you, girl!"

then after that they'll hit me or even kill me
hahaha...

maybe........
but it would be such a challenge and worthy....

hmmmm.......

a QueStion Mark

2007-08-29T13:58:00.000+08:00

Lord...

what have i done with my life?
are u pleased?

OA Trip Journey

2007-08-29T13:54:00.000+08:00

PeNdIng sToRy.....

^_______________________________________________________^

OA Terlimau mission trip

2007-08-16T14:30:00.000+08:00

Yay!
OA Terlimau, here we come!!!!!!

FLexibLe

2007-07-01T01:38:00.000+08:00

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps"
~ proverbs 16: 9 ~

i've been planning lots of things this year.. what am going to do and even after graduation... but then i realized i can plan whatever i want but you direct my steps even if i don't like it...yet i knoe it will always lead to a better place

i just need confirmation Lord... i don't know how you do it, but have your way in me..

I'm flexible for u :)

what a DaY!

2007-06-25T23:40:00.000+08:00

it's been a while i didn't post any thoughts...
too much till i forgot and which one to say first hehe...

maybe sumething just out of the oven? today..
what a DaY! bad day...tiring... exhausting... too much to handle in one day... my brain just couldn't cope with it...
i need help!

i need a rest! i need to be alone for a while.. i need U..
my head almost explode when i think about tomorrow...if i didn't remember what U've told me "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own"; i would have been explode emotionally..

multi task person...is just not me... but thank God becoz He is made strong in my weaknesses, His joy is the strength of my heart... His words enlighten my day and strengthen me each day... Just like apostle Paul said "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." that's why i'm alive today! and that is something i can celebrate & be thankful

and thank God, at least i'm not like Paul being percuted and jailed, tortured and mocked..Fiuuhh... thank God

what a day! another day of learning and being stretch...being tested; that even if things turns out bad we can still give thanks to the Lord for He is good and His mercy endureth forever!

Thanks Dad!

broken wing

2007-05-26T01:49:00.000+08:00

Father...

help me...

celebrating dissapointment

2007-04-14T12:45:00.000+08:00

I was very disappointed when I find out I wasn’t able to join Semester 8 class AGAIN! at least not until February 2008...
I was shocked that it happened again few months before my Job contract ends and I was confuse how to upfront my parent about this. They should have fun while staying in Malaysia not experience disappointment. Questions and doubts was on our mind,

“why God?”

…. Sigh….

This is the third… second? I was…
Promise is just a promise… it remains the same when lightly she said the same things over and over again though we know that’s not the real fact& truth. I was battling inside whether to expose everything and even show the letter. I was caught in between family & profession, love and anger, forgiveness and disappointments… she lied to cover whose shame, I’m not sure… she act as if she don’t know my case at all… what we mentioned & discussed the day before, seemed so vague and full of nonsense. I just stay silent and bow my head… I can’t stand to see my dad’s expressions and seeing she was so calm and smiling…

I was so disappointed…

But then… I chose to stay calm and silent… I chose to try to forgive and understand the WHOLE situation from God’s point of view… I try to see from a God’s loving eye and knowing that He sees, knows, hears every single thing from day 1 till now… try to accept the best solution that was offered… try to smile and joyfully grateful…

God is good!

Today as I open my internet, to a page I always visited… Daily bread… and guess what… there I see the title “celebrating disappointment”… it says about celebrate our disappointment; when we are disappointed why don’t we count God’s blessings in our life… believing that God will turn our mourning into dancing, our sorrow to joy, believing that He will never leave nor forsake us… believing that He will only give the best, give life with a future and a hope…

true enough, the disappointment was soothed by a grateful heart…. It’s such an amazing feeling when again I experienced God’s faithfulness & grace… He listened my family’s crying heart, He knew even before we say anything and I know He wants to use my situation for His glory… I know this problem will end soon and it will end WELL! He will look down and say “well done my daughter”.

Thank God in your disappointment,Celebrate His grace and love;Know that He will never leave youAnd will bless you from above. —D. De Haan
The pain of disappointment is soothed by a heart of gratitude.

daily bread: April 13, 2007

in remembering you

2007-04-12T13:04:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord, I know You hear me, and that Youare powerful and wise. Help me to wait patientlyand to trust You for Your good and perfect answersto the needs of those I love. Amen.

Delay is not denial. So keep on praying.

source: daily bread, 12.04.2007

2007-04-11T10:02:00.000+08:00

i feel like writing again...
but i don't know what to write or where to start...
i just feel like writing

God i was just wondering, lately, about how i feel, what i see around me, what i've experienced... things that break my heart for not being able to do anything, but i know deep down in my heart that you know what's going on and i know that you care for those people... i know that you let this things happenned for a caused and it will always be for a GREAT caused!

I know that you blessed me with many blessings, even though i know i don't deserve it, is because you know what i needed the most right now... Is not about deserving or not, it's about you knowing the best for me and making my life a living testimony...

i feel as if i'm standing in the middle of a BIG war and hundreds were laid on the ground... hurting and suffering... I've questioned and look around....I almost fell and cry... knowing i have a chioce to make.... To believe that you are in control and do something or to cry and complain....

and Lord, i choose to trust you... believe you are in control... i choose to do something instead of just stand stood and cry...

Give me strength o Lord... remember your people and your promises... give me your passion so they may know that they have hope in you....

help me to see every day through your eyes
help me to know and be the doers of the things you want me to achieve today

week that is worth it!

2007-04-02T00:46:00.000+08:00

my dearest Jesus,

this next 1 week will be a VERY LONG week and tiring as i'll be working and preparing for Easter every day... and i know i have so many things i want to share yet i still didn't manage to write it down all...

humbly, i'm asking you to give me LOTS of strength and courage to pass these next 7 days so i wont be burnt out but as i seek your face i'll be stronger...

i know it wouldn't be easy with the fasting still on... but i know as i sow i will reap and i pray that it wont be a waste but it'll be fruitful... i shall see salvation happen on both Easter days, healing shall take place and back slid den shall return to your righteous way...

i pray that every invitation sent will not return in vain but it will bring fruits for your Kingdom... i pray for every sits to be filled by your people who needs you the MOST and i pray that every hands shall be lifted as you call them to be your family... i pray that every acting, music and singing shall deliver the message of joy, message of hope message of love and salvation...

we will wait patiently and faithfully for your will to be done that every knee shall bow and every tounge shall confess that you are Lord and Saviour. Kings above all kings!!

your name shall be lifted HIGH above all else and your name shall be praised and heard all around the world

your Spirit will reign and you mercy and grace shall flow like a river of living water!!

How great is you o Lord over Israel... How magnificent your power o Lord of life... How great is Thou Art!!!

praise be the Lord
bless the Lord o my soul...and all that is within me.... bless His Holy name!!!

still

2007-02-17T11:51:00.000+08:00

Tuhan...
aku masih...
bri aku kekuatan...

beautiful

2007-02-14T09:56:00.000+08:00

i've observed and i look deeply in their eyes...
there were not much satisfaction reflected from their face...
the world told them they are pretty... but most think not...

i've seen girls worries about having pimples on their face,
i've seen girls could stand in front of mirror for hours and still saying they don't look good when actually they are not as bad as they think...
i even see myself sometimes being in that pictures

but even so...
i was reminded that all beauty meant nothing much when it comes to love...
it does make someone like someone, but it does not determine someone to want to spend the rest of their life together...
it is more than just beauties...it's what inside that counts...
the beauty within makes us fall in love

i was a bit relief to know that i don't have to worry about all these things
what color to put for my make up
how much effort i have to make just to make myself to be called beautiful
or what dress to wear and which color or shoes and bag to choose...

but it doesn't mean that i agree being messy
is just that i'm happy to know that i was and am created beautifully in God's eyes
all the days passed just 1 thought pop-up; does God like what i'm wearing today?
Do you think Jesus would whisper "tessie you look wonderful today"
or "tessie you look gorgeous today”
that feeling… calms my heart…
is just amazing to know that He still think I’m beautiful even though I just woke up with a sleepy pale face
is just a soothing feeling to know that He still love me anyway…

Help Johor Flood Victims

2007-01-24T11:10:00.000+08:00

Answering the trumpet call for aid in light of the recent worsening floods in Johor, the Asian Youth Ambassadors (also known as AYA) recently announced that the proceeds from the sale of night concert passes for the upcoming nationwide AYA Festival 2007 will go towards helping and rebuilding affected lives, especially the young people.

Plans to raise funds via AYA Festival as well as blessing the Johor school going children are also in progress, and we as young people want to visit, bring cheer and lend a helping hand to the young people too in Johor. There is an urgent need to help our fellow Malaysians there and we hope that the public can and will contribute to our fund raising efforts. At this point in time we are also looking for sponsors who will contribute in kind to the school going children.

for more information please visit
http://www.ayafestival.com/ or www.theactschurch.org

or contact AYA office at:03-5637 4737 / 5637 8737 / 5636 2147

spread the news and be the one who make things happen not the one who wait for things to happen!!

....

2006-12-26T13:44:00.000+08:00

Tuhan....

aku patah hati lagi.....

he he....

sWeeTesT

2006-12-01T11:44:00.000+08:00

Yesus yang termanis buat jiwaku....

buat jiwaku...

Yesus yang termanis buat jiwaku...

Kucinta slamanya...

why should I be anxious when I know He is my shepherd?

2006-12-01T10:11:00.000+08:00

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

cought in d miDdLe >.<'

2006-11-14T17:44:00.000+08:00

it's been quite sometimes... delaying writing can be quite stressing sometimes.. it's like soooo many things you want to tell, good and bad...especially the good one... but you just can't!! and since the time pass by sooo fast then you realize you forgot what you wanna write or the story "udah keburu basiii!!!"

coz of working, i hardly talk to my close friends... hardly spending times with them... i can do well in my Job and partly at Church but i can't even reach my own close friends...

it's sad....

well that's another story... a very long one... but thank God, slowly I finally had the time to have dinner with them, and the best part...i found the time to share with a friend that was already in a "critical" condition... THank God for His perfect timing! Again...that's another story...it's an ongoing testimony on itself....

most concerning? quite some...

i'm actually caught in the middle..hoping things will be well soon... friendship is on the risk... but i do hope things will work out well...

"I cling on hope and You are my hope... Coz hope is the reason I live... reason I believe"

a knock on Heaven's door

2006-10-04T12:33:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord

guard my heart o Lord... seek my heart and renew it every day... renew my spirit and my strength...
Don't let the devil robbed Your joy from me, coz I know they CAN'T!
take me away from the wicked way that I purposely / un-purposely do...
cleanse my heart and mind...make it pure so that You may be pleased with me every day...
break me free from the guilt that I kept...
soften my hardened heart...
warmth my cold heart that almost break...
make me into a new piece...a new creation...
keep me away from all the things that is not from you...
help me to stay focus, to pray for others, to be strong even in my weakest time...
You are my strength Lord... You are the reason I breathe every day... You are the reason I sing...

You are all I need...
You're all I want...

Help me o Lord...
Help me...

.......

2006-10-04T08:50:00.000+08:00

God...

i'm tired....

God's Timing aLwaYs PERFECT!.... GrOw Up tess!!

2006-09-15T12:47:00.000+08:00

God... i haven't been good lately... i haven't been focus and was distracted by unnecessary things, worried about things that U already in control, and faithless....

but i give u thanks coz U've always been a faithful God, You listened to my prayers and crying heart and lift me up when i was almost giving up...actually when i gave up.... You've showed me again that YOU are the MAN...YOU are the BOSS... Remember last Sunday when i was really crying and U've told me that everything will be alrite and U've told me that U'll work it out according to Ur perfect time? well U did!

Last nite i had a REAL conversation wiv her and indeed U've aswered my prayer and it was just the perfect timing... I thank U for the restoration we had... Not only I was reminded of the things i'm lacking of..but it really is the time for me to make things rite and to be FULLY committed!!! be Faithfull to the small things and PAY ATTENTION to that small things first... coz again small things make a BIG differences to get the BIG things...It's about time for me to GROW UP!!!! i just hope that i can remember everything and make sure that i'll do it!!

I dunno how i'm gonna do it or where to start or am i able to start...but wiv God everything is POSSIBLE!! Nothing is too difficult for Him... and i know that i can do ALL things thru Christ who strengthen me!

i wanNa go hOmE

2006-09-13T10:15:00.000+08:00

Someday my Redeemer shall call me to come And leave all these earth-scenes below;And take me to be with my loved ones at home—I want to be ready to go! —Huston

AMIN....

sebuah pengakuan dalam bahasaku

2006-09-12T18:46:00.000+08:00

Aku jatuh cinta?

Sesaat kah atau untuk waktu yang cukup lama ya?
Semakin enggan aku memikirkan nya, justru semakin tergoda aku memikirkannya...
Ku coba singkirkan pikiran itu dengan kesibukkan ku, berharap dapat melupakan dan berharap lama2 persaan itu akan menghilang dengan sendirinya...
Kuyakinkan diriku bahwa di antara kami tidak akan mungkin terjadi apa2...
Tapi jika bertemu dengannya hatiku berdegup...
Aku gugup harus bersikap atau berkata apa...
Kututupi perasaan ku dengan keisengan dan gelak tawaku, ataupun dengan ke"sarkasti"kan ku
Ku pastikan keisengan itu juga kulakukan terhadap semua orang supaya tak ada yang curiga...
Tetapi disaat tak ada yang melihat... kucuri detik2 yang ada dengan memandangnya...
Kadang kudapati dia pun sedang melihat kearahku... kalau mata kami bertemu ku berikan saja senyum terjelek ku...hahaha...rasanya lucu...
Ada juga kudapati dirinya begitu serius memikirkan sesuatu... kuingat dirinya pernah berkata "I'm a dreamer"
Kira2 apa yang sedang dipikirkan nya ya?
Kadang juga kudapati dia seperti sedang melihat kearah ku, tapi kupastikan siapa yang ada di dekatku... sekali lagi kuingatkan diriku untuk tidak terlalu merasa, mungkin saja dia sedang melihat gadis cantik di sebelah ku...

Saat ini perasaan ku sedang meluap-luap...
Ingin kukatakan pada semua orang terdekatku kalau aku menemukan seseorang yang baik
Ingin kukatakan pada mereka siapa nama lelaki itu...
Ingin aku teriakkan namanya setiap hari pada siapapun yang kutemui
Tapi ku tahan niatku, karena aku harus!
Mengingat apa yang pernah terjadi dan ku tak mau melakukan kesalahan yang sama, karena dagingku berteriak, akhirnya aku mengikutin keinginannya... dan cerita cintaku berakhir dengan kesedihan... Walau sesudah nya karena Tuhanku, aku mampu berbahagia untuknya...

Wah...sekarang bukan waktunya mengingat masa lalu lagi...
Aku sudah putuskan untuk selalu melihat kedepan dan menjadikan masa laluku sebuah pelajaran berharga buatku...
Saat ini aku hanya bisa meluapkan perasaan ku lewat cerita di sebuah layar berlatarbelakang putih...
Melihat dirinya hanya pada saat aku bertemu dengannya...
Mengirim pesan hanya pada saat2 perlu saja & berterimakasih setiap saat dia menolongku...
Dan... membawanya sebagai persembahan di altar Yang Maha Kuasa...

Mungkin aku bisa melupakannya...
Mungkin dalam waktu yang tidak terlalu lama aku mampu meredamkan perasaanku...
Entah kapan, tapi kuharap bisa secepatnya...

"sebuah pengakuan dari seorang teman terdekatku"

sTanDs FoR?

2006-09-11T18:46:00.000+08:00

"E"

Lets dReaM

2006-09-06T18:48:00.000+08:00

heLLow...heLLoW ^_^....
i'm haPpY again NoW!!! well thank God i didn't get overwhelmed with what i feel... i just believe that God listens to my cry heart even when i couldn't tell Him in words... i was renewed again oN mOnDay... it was again a VERY busy day in the office and as usual i had to run here and there, catching people and have to wait breakfast, lunch to be taken together with dinner... and duRiNg this ACTS games month, i just have to be out eVeRy nite practicing sPoRtS or do some cHurCh stuFF... usualy i will just ReAcH hOmE arOuNd 12 midnite or few minutes be4 that.... is just TIRING!

but again, thou my boDy was exhausted but my sPiRiT was aLive! i was renewed by the things that i didn't expected at work to happenned... i met new peopLe... i make nUw fRieNds... i even had the cHanCe to inVite people to cHurCh... is GreAT!

michelle & me started a prayer grp in our college... now it'll be a daily meeting...and it was great! i've been praying this since a year ago maybe more and finally God answered my prayer... He sent the right people who has the same hunger to see life changes in our college... Everything just soOoo perfect in His time and i really experienced that... CoOL!

Well, of course there's obstacles and giants ahead of us... but we believe that PraYerS does WORK! we can't use the class room any more, so we have to use this gaZebos which were put in the middle of empty spaces... usually students will just hang out there before or after their classes... it's a bit weird though... but it wont be a BIG barrier for us to keep pressing on... Time was also our issues...thou we have a fix time every 1pm, sometimes we just have to rush or; like me, i was late most of the time... we still don't know where to go after this but what we've learnt is a full surrendering to God's authority and just do our best...

aGain... God is faithful even though most of the time we are faithless......
He is just SO COOL!!!

so people... what's your dream for your campUs?

is it ok to be sad??

2006-09-04T01:44:00.000+08:00

hellow hellow... it's been a while since my last post...
actually i want to wriTte a LoT, but then... time and not having internet connection at home didn't aLow me to post....

but i really want to post something tonite, since i'm at my friend's house doing some research....
well.. it's about ToDaY... i dOn'T know why, after service i feeL sOo sAd! actually you should be haPpY after church... but i feel sad...

and suDdEnLy when NiTe comes, things get jUsT eveN worse... and my feelings was too...
is as bad as u thInk but it distract me and make Me bLuR!...

the Q is why? why do i sad? what was the reason ya?
i can't tell... either i can't or i don't wanna tell .... u kNow the feeLiNg of aVoiDing soMetHing that u actualLy kNow but u JuSt doN't wanna admit it coz u aRe sTubBoRn! if you do...so you KnOW where is my status nOw...

it shouLdn'T disTraCt me...
but is it ok to be sad 4 a while?
even though i'm a Christian and know that Christ is my sTrenGth and i sHouLdn'T be sad...
but can i? can share a burden wiTh someOne?
maY i LoRd? i miSs u GoD!

Taylor Hicks Do i make u proud final

2006-08-24T13:34:00.000+08:00

Taylor Hicks Do i make u proud final

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gonna sing this song on my graduation day :)

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mY wHiTe LiLy

2006-08-17T11:59:00.000+08:00

hOhO... got a new laYouT!! LuV iT!
it's made by a gOoD frIenD of mine, meLiSsa sUwaRsO (yeaaaaaaa pLoK pLoK pLoK ^__^ thaNkS a LoT) ... who deVoTed herself to a sMaLL thinG like my layout...
well just think like thIs... she's sooo busy... doing her master deGreE and it's alReDy the 3rd weeK of d SemEsTer...yet sHe kept her proMisSe tO me :) and WaLaaa.. i LoOvE it... 40% of the CreDitS goeS to u meL...and the rest 60% gOes to uR cReaTer, wHo made u sMarT,CreaTive and everYtHing that u r nOw :)....

hUmMm..why i cHooSe whIte lily? guEsS it repreSeNt puriTy and trUe beaUtY.... it makes my heaRt peAcE and remiNd me of a tRuE FrieNd of mIne who has all tHeSe...

WaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaKzzzzzzzzzzzzzz am SoooooOOOo haPpY.. thaTs why melwz... gw amat saNgaT nePzOng kLiaTaNnYa hahahahaha....

lUv yaaaaaaaaa...

o ya pPL... cheCk oUt her BlOg... www.blognyamelissa.blogspot.com

Always there

2006-07-25T15:18:00.000+08:00

wow!
this 1 month holiday has been a tremendous blessings for me...
it's a month of grace!
God has shown me again that He always listens to every prayer and He always answer when we called..
It's only a matter of His time and His time is always perfect!
I remember that i prayed for a family breakthrough during fasting month last March...
I remember i asked God for a spiritual breakthrough, financial breakthrough and study...
And still until today i never stop press on...
This holiday, i've seen with my own eye, hear with my own ear that my parent was begining to testify God's goodness in their life...
I was touched by it, especially when my dad share about it... for me it's a miracle!
Slowly our financial issues starting to get better...
My dad learned to search for God every day & night and count on God instead of his power... And God showed His promises LOUD and clear!
My dad starts getting phone calls from people to do a pest control job for them, my brother was able to go to Germany for his German lessons without paying the Visa, my sister and her choir were able to go to China to join the Choir olympic....
My self? I won a second price in a Christian Charismatic singing competition...
out of 570 contestants, I was blessed to get the second spott...
God gave me the chance to have a recording album with the other 5 winners, He gave me a free ticket to Bali for 4 days 3 nights, a money to bless others, He also gave me new friends and many more...
I went to Singapore and get a new digital camera and it's a VERY good one
I was able to buy many things for my friends, family and myself....
I had a great time with my BIG family at puncak...
playing tennis 'till my mussles hurts (haha), swimming 'till i got darker, eat 'till i was full...
It was AMAZING!
He has done it again and again the things that i never imagine i could have, things that i never thought i would see and hear with my own ear...
When I called He answers
When I searched I found
When I knocked He opens
When I was weak He was my strength
When I was sad He comforts me
When I fell He carry me
And when there seems to be no way, He make a way for me...

blessings comes when you least expected, but it was the perfect time...
blessings comes when you believe even before u receive the blessings
blessings comes with faith and hope in God
blessings comes when you realized that actually you were blessed every single day and every second
When you are in pain and tears keep pressing on and believing God will breakthrough for you... He WILL!
Remember always that your are always loved :)... everything gonna be alrite ;)...

CAYOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2006-06-13T13:17:00.000+08:00

ayoooo semangaatt tesssiiiiiiiiiieee...
it's not the time for you to be weary orrrrr sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CAYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

*^.~*

amen!

2006-06-05T01:36:00.000+08:00

Dear Heavenly father,

Thank you so much for loving this sister so much,

thank you for blessing her i her life. There's nothing

much that I can do, but I would like to ask for your

protection and guidance in watever things that she

is going thru. Please lead her on the right path,

and grant her the wisdom to make her decisions.

Strengthen her when she has to face all the

challenges coming ahead, that she will always

remember to seek you in her times of need.

Above all, I pray for this sister to continue to have

faith in you, continue to love you and continue to

be strong in you. Give her the joy in her life that

she may share it with others, and that she will

continue to shine for you - be your salt and light of the world.

Whatever plans you have for her Lord, I know that

it will be the best for her because you love her so

much. WHen things dont happen our way, we may

not understand, BUT you have your reasons and

purposes Lord, and we trully believe that you will

handle it and we will submit to you. For you

promised us that we shall fear no evil even if we

walk pass the valley of the shadow of death coz

you are with us (Psalm 23:4).

COntinue to bless this dear sister o Lord, and

thank you for loving her :)

In Jesus name I pray,

AMEN.

---- thanks addie----

thank you Jesus :)

a pray of worship

2006-06-02T13:16:00.001+08:00

i thank God for my parents...
i thank God for my auntie...
i thank God for my friends...
i thank God for my lectures...
i thank God for the current situations...

i thank God because He's my strength and my portion...
He is my rock and my refuge...
He is my reason of living and breathe...

gee... what an awesome God i serve; who gave me a wonderful parents that love me so much...
who's willing to sacrifice their lives for me...
who's willing to fight till the end for my problems...
who's willing not to give up to situations...

now i understand what is it like to have a family that serve God together...
it is not only about being physicly together in one room and praising God, but it's about 5 hearts become 1 in God...
i remember a verse saying that me&my family will praise the Lord...
i believe that these situation i had will bring us closer to You o Lord...
i've seen God's miracle, grace, abundant love and amazing way through the work of His hand in my life & my family...

God have your way in me
because i know You hold my future... and Your future is full of hope
I believe in Your promises because they are all Yes and Amen!
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your ways are far more better
and Your time is the perfect time

I lay down my burden, cares, tears and happiness to You
You are my all in all and i still choose to BELIEVE in you 101%
I'll be well in Jesus name!

a pray of worship

2006-06-02T13:16:00.000+08:00

Believe

2006-05-31T02:48:00.000+08:00

wow... lately situation around me is just so weird...
i wonder why?
was it a spiritual attack?
or what?
a good friend of mine is trying to kill himself because of a girl...
a housemate of mine was drunk last nite and said she wanted to die....
my prayer for financial breakthrough seems getting no where, it even gone worse...
the school didn't want to refund my money, instead they took that rm 11.500 that was supposed to be for next semester fees...
my relatives in Jogjakarta was facing this crisis because of the earthquake...
my country are in pain...

yet...

i thank God that everyday God always provide me with breakfast, lunch and dinner...
He provided me the smallest things and never letting me in a "not enough" situation...

i thank God for His grace of faith because I believe my fees for next semester is already paid...

i thank God that none of my relative in Jogjakarta passed away, they are all saved!!

i thank God that my housemate had a good nite sleep after that horrible scene and she was able to wake up with a smile

i thank God that my good friend still alive until today...

God told me that He's my strength
and yes indeed He is the strength of my heart...
my portion and my refuge...
Despite all the situation, i believe! I can only believe!
I have no other choice except to believe
I am not able not to believe that He cannot or He wont make away for me...
I know that I have a choice...
And i choose to BELIEVE...

time for self-introspection

2006-05-29T09:41:00.000+08:00

hu hu...it's been quite some times since my last post...
been a little bit busy with the presentation, but thank God i finally finish it!
Amazingly, i've manage to type 4,447 words withing 1,5 days without sleeping...
Far more, all the praises goes to one Man that made it all possible...Jesus!
I had my presentation last Thursday, a moment of truth...
Nervous? Of course! Yet God gave me strength and peace...at the end...He gave me a good finish...My lecture told me i've did well, i've done a good job and didn't see why i shouldn't be a successful woman in the future...
It's all God! It's all God... 1 thing He promise us who believe in Him and put 100% trust is that He will make us the head not the tale, above not beneath... He has a future for u and me that full of hope... And i believe that! :)

niweizzz 'bout my title...
lately i felt that situation around me just reminded me to do a self-introspection and i've been thinking quite much specially when a friend dear to my heart is involved :(...
hu..hu...hu.... no matter what God is still good...so good that everything will be alrite :)...

mommie's days

2006-05-15T12:05:00.000+08:00

what a day it is to have known that I have the best mom in the world.
no matter how harsh she may have been, how ‘bawel’ (sorry, I forgot the English hehehe) she is most of the times and how pushy she is sometimes...but she's still my best mom in the world..
without her strength, courage, patient, passion, sacrifices, love and prayer; I wouldn't be here alive and become who I am today...

I still remember the time when I really hate my mom and I left a mark on her photo, yet now that was the photo I kept until today...her beautiful soul has cover all my hatred and God's grace has restore my relationship with her... her courage has made our family stick together for more than 25 years, her strength has lifted my sorrows, her tears made me understand the world she carried today, her love has made our house a home and her never ending prayer has made us closer to God...

to many who don't know her, she may be a pain in the head...
but to me, she's my hero
to many she is just an ordinary person
but to me, she is more than extra ordinary person....

I believe that God never make a mistake to have given me mommy Lucy as my mom
I’m sure my sister and brother would agree with me, and even my daddy...
hu hu hu... missing youuu so much mommieeee....

- loving u much from here-

m.a.l.a.y.s.i.a
14.05.06

It all begins with you --> part 1

2006-05-09T06:51:00.000+08:00

Again I was reminded from last Saturday live @ 5 services that what we do today and what we decide to do or act today determine our future. In Deuteronomy 8: 7-9 & 1, it is not about the vision from God or about whether God can do it or not, but it is about the step that is taken from the vision. You see, God gave each person a different vision & mission that needs to be completed, but the outcome depends on the respond and what action that took place.

Do you remember about this verse: “what you soar is what you reap?” I bet this sounds familiar to everyone who know and or read the bible hehehe.. Any way there’s a verse about that… It is important for us to know what kind of seeds we planted and how we water it. It all begins with our attitudes toward situations and people surround us. Are we giving a good example? Are we holding on to what we believe is true according to God’s commandments? When we are able to identify this, we will be able to go to the next level. However, going to the next level is not as easy as flipping your hand. It takes preparation and it better be good.
It is important for us to stay focus. What does it mean by focus? Well, literally you probably know about it, but there is more to that. FOCUS also means offering up our life to Jesus. Offering means give a full authority to God to take control in our lives, in any circumstances in life, including relationships, family, financial, study, work, etc. When you love someone or when you actually hate someone, you can over that person or people to God. Offering does not mean you want God to take away that person from your life (a.k.a ask him/her / them to die hehe), but it simply means to surrender that person/people in God’s hand and believe in Him that He will take care of it ☺.

And this is the sentences that strike me most:
“You have to start to do something that you don’t like to do; it begins with the small-small things in life”

I thought to myself, wow that is so true. Most of the time I only do what I want to do, what I like to do and what I’m comfortable to do. Most of the time I reach out to my close friends and not to my friends that I know she’s in need. Reason being because I was too tired to go up to the 13th floor and just have a short conversation or even go to another block just to be their friends (such excuses!). I guess I’m already in my comfort zone. Having to take care 4 children is tiring enough...adding another 2?
But then this message really waking me up. I realize that I needed to take action and starts to enlarge my “family” in Millennium where I stay. I realize I needed to start giving responsibility to my eldest & second daughter, Maureen & Hester to start to seeds, and I myself have to over up my tiredness to the Lord and ask for strength and wisdom to lead more people to God. I was reminded to be more responsible, to overcome my flesh and get out from the comfort zone.

So in conclusion
1. It is important to have the seeds in our hands and to know what God want us to do in our life. To realize what kinda seeds you have.. Atttitude, dude…that’s what count…
2. In between seeding and harvest there’s watering time. How can the seed grow is you don’t water it. This is about how you gonnna soar? Again God is after our attitudes & character.
3. You gotta plant more seeds & meet more needs. Expect more of God’s work. Don’t just stop anywhere. Acts 20:35

IT ALL BEGINS WITH YOU…

sowieee

2006-05-05T12:15:00.000+08:00

hu hu hu...
this week i'll be very seldom to go online coz i'm not working anymore so be very seldom to post...butt i save some of the post..it's only a matter of finishing it and then post it...hehehe...
so be pattient yakkkk...

*if there's people reading it ;p*

the JoY of Letting Go

2006-05-04T11:37:00.000+08:00

May 3rd, 2006

It's been exactly a year since me and him broke up...many things happened and many lessons i've learned that changed me and made me who i am today...
And since a year ago I never stop thinking, hoping & praying for him, me and us...
I've always thought that he's the one for me..That this so called "break up" was only for temporary purposes to prepare ourselves to become a mature couple in Christ in the future

For quite momment I pray with sadness and tears..But when I draw myself closer to God, I start to know that this "breaking up" is a time for me to prepare myself to be a better person, a responsible woman of God, a good wife and a good mom according to God's standard...

I'm not trying to promote myself nor to make people pitty on me...It is hard for me to share this..But I wanna share the Joy of Letting Go someone dear to my heart... Letting go doesn't always mean forgetting or ignorance..It's about Believing in God's promisess that everything in life happened for God's beautiful purposes..

Just this Sunday (30th April 2006), very early in the morning, I recieved a news from him that he was with someone else now...When I heard that, I was sad...But I thank God coz at that moment God gave me strength to smile and be happy for him... The same early morning as I pray, I felt joy, peace and relief beyond words because I know that God will only give me the best

Friends, I know it is hurting if we can't be with someone that we love, it is paiful to lose...
But if you didn't let go, you'll never know the joy you can find when you put your beloved one and your hurt onto God's Altar...you'll find true happiness & peace in Him
Keep on believing & hold on tight to God's promisess coz He never fails

For I know the thoughts that I think

toward you, says the Lord, thoughts

of peace and not of evil, to give you

a future and a hope

(Jeremia 29: 11)

But as it is written:

"Eyes has not seen, nor ear heard,

Nor have entered into the heart of man

The things which God has prepared

for those who love Him"

(1 Chorinthians 2: 9)

We'll be well my friends...

cLasSic

2006-04-28T19:21:00.000+08:00

hmm..i thought i'm gonna share another peace of mind..but i haven't finish it...it's quite long...so maybe a little bit of classical stuff to writte...
what is it so classic about poem? well maybe it's been there since before war? i dunno...people still doing it until now...it's an expression of someone's thoughts & feelings and sumetimes others just can't understand it..
it's too classical with the unknown vocabs and structures...
but who cares anyway? most of the time they just writte it down without a structure or what ever...so called "rime"...

niweizzz... a short one...

there's a little girl opening her window
she didn't see anything clear that day...
it was raining...was it?
or was it foggy?
no! it wasn't foggy...it was bright
but she couldn't see clear who was there...
there was a shadow of a man walking towards her
she's not afraid of it..she just confuse who might want to visit her today?
is he going to visit for a short while or a long time?
how short is short and how long is long?
then...
she drop a tear..
it wasn't a sad tear nor happiness...
it was...
she do not know...
she waited...waited...and waited...
he's still not here yet (the lil girl said to herself)
so she prayed...

what happened next? i also don't know... the Father above haven't answer the prayer...what was the prayer? only that lil girl know...who's the girl anyway? I'm not sure...hehehehe...
it's just me and my thoughts ;p

excitement! bad or gOoD? ... Part 2

2006-04-22T04:12:00.000+08:00

Again i say to u all...
Every single thing in our life Happened for God's reason and purposes, that is to make us a better person according to His standard...

I did cry...well i admit it... I am a sensitive girl when it comes to relationship..ANY..not only boy&girlfriend relationship but also friends and family... Those who know me very well, am sure u all agree...

I believe what we've discussed for the pass few days has made us a different person with another one level up... It hurt us along the way, but it is a process of maturity both as a human being and as sons and daughters of Christ...
My friends problem was finally settle...They manage to understand each other and try to deal with each other weaknesess... As for me and my other friends... We learn to communicate better and to get rid of the gap and to always pay attention to stuff around us...

I guess excitement isn't always good all the times...we really need to control ourselves and ask for wisdom.. I really cannot do it alone...not without God... I admitted sometimes i feel so wise but then i know it means nothing without God's wisdom, at the end it will hurt other people...

the greates strength in all life circumtances is to know that u are loved...
Galtians 2: 20 { Live by faith in the Son of God who loves u and gave His life for you}

you'll be well my friend.... you'll be well in God... :)

excitement! bad or goOd? ... Part 1

2006-04-22T03:48:00.000+08:00

hmm... i can say that these pass few days i've been confused by situation around me...
well, just say my friends...
it's been a reflection week for all of us...
arguments here and there...dislike and disspointment every where...
we can't really tell what was the trigger and when did it starts...
all we know is that, suddenly things get worse

hmmm...like i've said before...things really happened for God's reason...
we started to look into ourselves and ask where did we go wrong?
what did we do lately?
was it bad?
did it hurt other people?
....
....
....
....
so on and on, until we reach to an end...it's time for us to talk and make things right
Why did i give title excitement, bad or good?
Well..in my case this semester I was more excited about God than last year..there are so many blessings i've experienced and i really want to share it with my closest new born Christian friends and non, of course...
Yet, my excitement mislead them and myself...
At one point, i didn't really show love when i deliver the messages...another point i love them too much that i don't wanna lose them and let them do stuff that i know it wont do them any good...

what i mean is that things that i've experienced in my past is now experienced by my friends and before they face the same consequences as i do, i prefer to be strick and firm...(r u people know what i mean?)

Well niweizz... This is what I've learn:
No matter how much you want your friend to get saved or to have a personal experience with God like you do, you just CAN'T do it with your own strength! I found that, it is true they are our closest friend and we love them... it's true that we need to tell them about the Truth and the Life... But we can't, we CAN'T rush them and make them understand what we understand... We can't be fully responsible of their personal relationship with God because it's between them and God...What we can do is never stop praying for them and encourage them. I also learn that i really really really need to control my emotion...

It was sad when i know this..Because they took me wrong...Now they are affraid with me... They said they don't understand me anymore...They say i was a different person...It really break my heart...And the funny thing is, they said I needed to change my face expression, which I really can't see how is my expression when i was talking...

someone is in love with... Part 2

2006-04-18T03:10:00.000+08:00

I learn someone is in love with you and took a crazy risk for you...
was beaten and disgrace...
I doubt it, until I saw the proof...

on the Cross at Calvary..
Blessed Easter day

-unknown author-

this short msg came to me after church and it came from a non chirstian friend...
It is true...
someone is so much in love with me...
with you...

I was overwhelmed...
This love, how can it be that a sinner like me deserve such love and grace
That time I really want to tell the world that I found a love that turn my life around
They need to know that they can taste and see...

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls"
-mathew 11: 28-

someone is in love...Part 1

2006-04-18T02:57:00.000+08:00

Sunday easter...

we had an easter play since friday and praise be to God five people accepted Christ ...
I took part in the play, i was singing a song called "grace" that was sang originally by U2...
(it was a beautiful song)
There were another song called "Why", sang by Nichole Norderman...
It was sang when Jesus was crucified...
It was a total great song...
The whole play itself...wow...it was touching...
Especially on Sunday...
I can sense the presence of God was in that place...
I was in tears when we almost reach to the end...
we close it with five people sharing their true story of how Jesus changed their lives and their family...

A man called Bension was crying as he shared his true story about him being a Christian for 8 years...
but in his journey, he was back sliding for 3 - 4 years...
He almost ended his life...
Miraculously... something took place, where he had no choice but to come back to God...
he took that step of faith of being a child of God
even though he might lose his parent and his family...
Amazingly...
God work through in that situation..
His parent started to tolarate his choice
They even woke him up if he couldn't wake up to church...
until they allowed him to be baptized...
Beyond his thought
God touch his mom's heart to go with him to church for his baptizm day...
That day...
it was easter day...
And a new day has just begun for his family...
His mom accepted Christ
Now they are alive in God...

We were all in tears after listening to his true story..
We knew and was encourged to have another level of faith that no matter how the circumtances are...
Jesus always make a way where there seems to be no way and He is always faitful..

After the service end,
a Lady came to one of my leaders...
and this what she said...
"I've been back sliding for 7 years and after I heard bension's testimonies, I knew this is the time for me to return to where I belong...to Jesus"

nb: don't be affraid to tell ur past, even though it was horrible...because you know how God has turn that around for His glory...you'll never know how people will be changed because of your testimonies...God is good and His always faithful...

see ya

2006-04-10T12:17:00.000+08:00

i've just realize sumething...
it's been a looooooong time for since the last time i post...
busy.. i guess...
lazyness was part of it...hehehe
well i've decided to type again b'coz a dear friend of mine inspired me so much...

i thought instead of only writting poems...maybe i should start sharing my journey wiv God in a story
and maybe, if melissa dun mind, i would like to ask her favor to change my layout...hehehe
Not sure how it will look like but for sure it will look bright and clean :)...

eniweiiiiiiizzzzzz great to be back typing2 again hehehe...
got to cabs...feel so sleepy..yet it's lunch break ....

brand nu life

2006-04-10T10:45:00.000+08:00

I just finish reading a friend's blog...
it was encouraging and i agree wiv her how life without God is nothing...
life without hope is the same as dead
life wihtout dream is hopeless
life without faith & God's promisess is painfull
i can't imagine myself being alive without Him...
through out my live, i can proudly say...
Thank God i am alive, well and blessed...
no matter what the situation was...
bad, worse, good & best...He is the reason i survived this uncertain life

He changes my life around
He make me whole and brand new every day

It is true hope simply mean believing something that is unseen
unseen promisses..but knowing it will be done sooner or later
It was and is always a perfect time
Believing is to put your 100% trust to a power that controls both Heaven and earth
...He's Jesus...

I hope any of u who had the chance to read this blog...
or this particular post...
just wanted all of u to know...that there is hope for u
you'll find joy and peace from this Man called Jesus
it's not too late to know Him or to turn back to Him...

you won't loose anything...
but i can promise u that you will gain much...
so much more...
more than you'll ever know, expect and dream...

Higher

2006-02-07T14:38:00.000+08:00

It was shocking...
the news i heard today it wasn't what i expected to hear
i've been praying, hoping and believing that everything will work fine
And yet Your thoughts are higher than mine

You brought me to a deeper experience of faith
It was then i knew without a doubt that You would do it for me
even if it didn't happened the way i want it
I know You have greater plans...
i still don't know what it is or what kind of reaction would ppl give me
especially my parents and family
but i know that Your thoghts are higher than mine
Your ways are greater than a tornedo
Your love are deeper than the ocean and wider than the sky

Give me the courage to do the things You want me to do
Give me the love to share Your love
and give me the wisdom to tell this to my parents and family, that the failure of our expectation is taking care by GOD

Evertyhting gonna be alrite coz i know my God save the day :)

LUCT 7/2/06

three years

2005-12-29T19:24:00.000+08:00

i've decided!...
3 years...
for you...
3 years...

rise up!

2005-12-07T11:26:00.000+08:00

hey guys...
might or not thee shall like me...
it is not my time yet to come for this
and i believe for thee to stay focus too
more is yet to come on our way to eternity
The paths is not trouble-free
but the strength that are given,
and the power of the Spirit in us are greater than anything else

rise up youth
stay FOCUS to what thy God ask thee to do...
more testimonials is yet to come and the earth trembled
and the dark shadows shall flee away
in the mighty name of Jesus...
rise up youth!

nuw days

2005-12-07T11:13:00.000+08:00

it starts with a song praise
my God is too amazing
and too beautiful beyond comprehension
He is too good to be true...
but He is true and alive!

these passing days i've passed
made me gaze upon the mighty work of my wonderful Father
I am amazed how He changed my family situation...
from zero to something awesome!
just a step of faith and He changes everything
and i believe more to come!

Hallelluya praise the Lord
for His wonderful hands
for His love and blessings
He has turn my mourn into dancing
and His promise is yes and amen!

who am i that You are mindful of me?
who am i that You loved so much?
who am i to deserve all of this?
it is You o Lord
who make my day into a brand new day every day
who brigthen my path
and who always there for me
be the best God, best Lord, best friend and best Man i've ever known and have

thank you for this new day
days that i wouldn't trade with anything else...

*decemeber 7th, 2005*

apPriCiaTiOn ^______________^

2005-10-12T06:19:00.000+08:00

terimakasi sudah membalas pesanku...
i really appriciate it :)

thanks...
Gbless

sudah terbiasa...jadi terbiasa...

2005-10-07T20:50:00.000+08:00

tak pasti sejak kapan...
tp bisa kupastikan dr awal usiaku sampai detik ini
sudah terbiasa mengalami perasaan ini....
80% kejadiannya sama persis
bertepuk tangan sendirian
pernah juga sama2 tepuk tangan
tapi...

lama2 aku jadi terbiasa juga...
memantabkan langkahku sebagai seorang wanita?
mungkin juga....
jadi lebih banyak berpikir dari biasanya...
tidak tau juga kapan bisa sembuhnya...
mungkin sebentar...
sebentar itu berapa lama ya?
mungkin juga lama...
lama? tahun kah? atau ...
apa yah yang lebih lama dari tahun?

jadi kosong pandanganku terhadapnya...
tapi bukan manusia loh...
setidak nya aku bisa tersenyum seperti biasanya...
karna ada yang membuatku tersenyum dan tertawa tiap hari nya
Dia baik sekali...

yah...
biar bagaimana pun aku sudah terlalu terbiasa
dan pasti nya jadi terbiasa menghadapi ini
boleh jadi aku tak akan menangis lagi karna kejadian2 seperti ini

October 4, 2005

2005-10-05T06:43:00.000+08:00

peNing...
leTih...

October 1st, 2005

2005-10-03T13:50:00.000+08:00

haloo..
hari ini aku terbaring cukup lama di atas tempat tidurku
mungkin sekitar 12 jam
lemah sekali rasanya...
mampu membuka mata namun tak mampu bangun
tenggorokanku sakit rasanya
semalaman aku berisik dengan penyakitku...

tapi tertegun jika mengingat karya Bapaku semalam
dengan keadaan segini
aku masih bisa bernyanyi dengan baik
bahkan aku menang tempat pertama
WOW!
benar2 Tuhanku ajaib
karna Dia aku bisa
karna Dia aku punya suara

sepulang acara semalam aku berdoa
dan tertidur pulas layak bayi dalam naungan bunda
rasanya bersyukur sekalii...

walau sekarang parau itu masih ada
dan sakit itu masih terasa di kerongkonganku
tapi hatiku tak berhenti bersyukur...

wah sudah jam segini
masih ada 2 lagi assignmentku..
rasanya ingin mandii
malam ini panas sekalii tak seperti malam2 sebelumnya
atau karna tubuhku pilu kemarin?

sudahlah...
tak jadi masalah
aku sakit
tapi aku bahagia
aku bersyukur
pulang nanti tinggal mandi...
buat tugas lagi ...

*dedicate to U Lord God..thanks soooOOoOOOo mUCH!*

September 28 - 29,2005

2005-09-30T04:19:00.000+08:00

it' been exactly a year since i left a place that i love so much
a place that bring me closer to my Creator
a place that made the biggest changes in my life...
so many...in fact too many memory i can't let go
still stick so close in my heart and mind
the air that i breath
the pathway that i walked
the places that i went too
the cars that i jump in too
the transportations
the ups and down i went trhough
the laugh and tears i've shared
oh...goodness....
so manyyy... and still stick so fresh in my mind
i Thank God, He allow me to go to that place
i Thank God that i had to leave that place earlier than i thought
i Thank God that He put me now in a new place
which i'm sure will bring a closer experience to God
so that i can be a blessings for others
ua ua ua...
miss that place so much!!!
miss PERTH so much!
miss Australia so MUCH!
it's springs now...and it's the nicest seasons of all
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hopefuly one day i can go there again...
miss u guyz so much!
miss our fellowship
miss our prayer times
miss our crazy time
miss our coffee time
miss our breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper hehehe
miss our fights
miss our shopping time
miss our hectic time at uni
miss everything about PERTH!
c u guys soon..
maybe..
hopefuly around june/july or even october next year
i'll be wearing my graduation suits
HAHAHA.. CAN'T WAIT
^_____________________________________^

LeSsOn

2005-09-19T17:30:00.000+08:00

thanks to u
i've learn great lessons today... lessons that it was forgotten

dOn't walk the way that u are not sure yet...
dOn't try to convince urself and others if u didn't get the confirmation from Above
dOn't oBey ur flesh...be obiedience even though it hurst u so much!
dOn't play with fire if you don't wanna get ur heart burned
dOn't regret the past because it was there to teach u to be perfect
dOn't hate a person because u or he did something wrong
dOn't blame a person if it was ur mistakes too
dOn't hold tight the things that is not meant to be for u
dOn't push things, circumtances and or someone to follow what u want
but above all...
dOn't forget the love that set u free
the love that was and will able to forgive
because forgiveness is like realising a prisoner
forgiveness is like loving God more than urself
and then...
the broken pieces of ur heart
will turn to be something whole...
just like a glass that fell like crystals
He pick it up and make it whole...
formed it into a beautiful piece of art

cry out to Him.. He always listens
rejoice and greatful in ur prayers... He always care and loving
stand tall and be brave...He always there for u even when u can't feel His presence...

thank u...

Jesus Loves you and me ^.^

2005-09-17T08:41:00.000+08:00

have you ever wondered why were you created?
have you ever questioned why bad things happened in your life
and wish if it could be more fair for you?
and for the many things happened in your life...
have you ever regreted that moments and wish it never happened?
i did...
in fact so many times in my life i was complaining...
i even questioned the tears and trial i had to go through...

but i forgot to ask these...
have you ever questioned why good things happened in your life?
have you ever asked your self why you smile or even laugh at happy and even sad moments?

from the questions, i realize something..
that the answer was simply so easy...
it's because God loves me and you...
He give good things because He love you and me
He put a smile and we can enjoying laughing, because He loves us so much
and even in our trial He put a smile and strength in our heart,
it's because He loves us...
the trial we faced didn't come from Him...
but He allows it because He wants us to learn
and be a strong and beautiful children in His eye..
and do you believe this?
If you are beautiful in His eyes...for sure you'll be beautiful for
every people surround you...

my friends...
i know that we faced many up and down situation
sometimes we said that this is not fair for us...
but God was never un-fair
trust me...
Bad and good things in your life happened because of His glory only...
so you can share His goodness to other and others can feel His love and grace through your life
and it's because He wants to give answer to people through your life
so that every tounge...
every nations
every tribes
every heart
every knee
every mouth
will acknowledge Him as the King of kings
will praise Him above every thing
will bow only to Him

some of you might not understand this... nevermind i'll pray for you
some may think, i am crazy... nevermind i'll always pray for you
but there is a God who loves you so much
more than love itself
and He wants to be with you in every step you take...
be strong my friends and trust Him...
He loves you tooo much!
and He loves me too ^_^ thank GoD ^.^

dOh!

2005-09-05T16:30:00.000+08:00

suka....

~makaSiw~

2005-08-25T09:09:00.000+08:00

LUCT, maLay 24 aUguSt 2005

makasiw Tuhan hari ini saya rada boKeK...
tp masih boleh menikmati sarapan pagi...
dan ada ayam mentah & beras bisa dimasak untuk mkn malam...
terimakasi...
sekurang2nya aku..
tak pernah Kau biarkan aku kelapaRan...
terimak kasih juga aku masih bisa menyisakan Rm 2 tiap hari nya
untuk bekal pergi ke negri yang kudoakan....
terimakasi buat senyuman yang Kau tempatkan di wajahku...
dan terimakasi juga buat rasa kesal yg masih bisa aku rasakan...
it means i'm a live and NOrMaL! haha...
thankss 4 everything...
o iyah... 1 lagi...
terimakasi buat semalam..
memang kurasa waktu yg kutentukan bukan lah yg terbaik...
waktu Mu lbh baik..
dan kupercaya things happened 4 a reason
and U never make mistakes
xIe xIe Bapa :)

*mOoOOoaCh*

KoRan...KoOOoOraaaN.... KoraNnyaaa pak!! "makasi bang, tp saya ke guru BP aja"

2005-08-24T08:13:00.000+08:00

meLiSsssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa KANGEN!!!!
btw panggilan tata dulu apa ya?
tataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa KANGEN!!!!
bebeeeeeeeeppppppppppppppppppppppppppp KANGEN!!!!

aaarRRRrggGGGgH.... sakit perOeT

2005-08-24T08:08:00.000+08:00

gile bajaj nih perut kambuh lagi semalem
untung gak separah 2.5 taon LaLu...
Thank God!!
Pagi td juga...
LuCkLkY bisa pegi sKoLaH...
once again... Jesus still love me :)...
tp kOq ga kurus2 yak ;p

wuih...dah lama gak ucap syukur...
kebanyakan keluh kesah dan kesedihan...
but i'm glad...
glad coz i survive
glad coz i can get through it...
glad coz i've learn a LOT...
actually it was a very worthy lesson that i wouldn't trade with anything...
but most of all...
glad to know that i have a GREAT AWQSOME FATHER
glad so greatful... HE still and always love me...

aRRrRRrRRRgHHhHhHh... pengenk *ee* hehehehe

tRaUma!!

2005-08-23T02:31:00.000+08:00

did i do it again?
Gosh!
guess sorry now wont make any different...
will it be ?
my friend....
miss our time together again...
the five of us...
laughing...
share tears...
doing crazy stuff...
hope one day we can go back to that time again...

btw... me and ur sister miss u so much lil' bOy.... he he he....

terima kasih..... :)

2005-08-14T22:31:00.000+08:00

Bapa...
terimakasih...
karena indah hidupku yang tlah Kau rajut...
Sulaman Mu tak pernah salah...
Dan biarpun karena kenakalan jarum yang Kau gunakan...
Tapi sulaman itu slalu indah...

Maafkan aku ya Bapa...
karena baru sekarang aku menyadarinya...
bahwa semua itu memang yang terbaik...
butuh waktu yang cukup lama...
untuk menerima kehadiran dan kepergiannya...
Tapi karena setia Mu...
ku tau...
Kau hanya ingin yang terbaik bagi aku dan dia...

Terimakasih ya Bapa...
Terimakasih...
Thank you....

hei!!!

2005-08-04T12:39:00.000+08:00

heii.....
apa kabar?
baik2?

gw baik2...
lagi memulihkan diri...
Puji Tuhan!!!
smoga tidak jatuh ke lubang yg sama lg....

Lu gmn?
bertahan...pastilah....
kangen share2....
smoga ada kesempatan manis...

Rindu pengalaman di jamah lagi....
Rasanya indah...
Tenang....
Smoga ada kesempatan manis....
bisa bertemu DIA
dan kamu....

ya wis deh...
tekker yak...
Gbless u

hYpoCriTe!!!

2005-06-29T15:23:00.000+08:00

Bapa...
maafkan aku...
kumafikanku membuat aku coreng dimata MU
membuat orang yang kusayang membenciku...
bukan benci kurasa..
mungkin kesal denganku...
ataupun bimbang... bingung...

kurasa aku masih terlalu mencintainya...
aku belum rela melepaskannya...
dan menerima kenyataan...
dia tidak bersamaku lagi...

orang bertanya tentang kami...
dengan senyum dan harapan kosong...
kujawab dengan bahagia....
tapi hatiku menangis...

dia bertanya keadaanku...
kukatakan baik baik saja...
tapi dalam hati begitu banyak yang ingin kubagi bersamanya
ingin kuungkapkan...
ingin kutanyakan...

ku ragu ...
kini ku benar-benar ragu...
apakah dia masih memiliki rasa yang sama?
kutanyakan padanya...
tapi ia enggan menjawab...
kukatakan padanya "tidak apa2"
tetapi sebenarnya ku ingin ia menjawab....
"DASAR MUNAFIK!!" kukatakan pada diriku sendiri....
aku kesal!
entah ia merasa atau tidak...

Tuhan maafkan aku...

aku munafik!
aku menuntut..
aku menginginkan ia...

Tuhan maafkan aku...

karena ini semua..
aku tidak bisa memfokuskan diriku padaMU

Taukah Engkau Bapa?
kami sekarang benar2 "lack of communication"
entah karena jarak
atau karena kesibukan kami
atau karena hatiku yang masih sakit?
"SAKIT!!" pasti...

aku ingin kepastian...
tapi aku takut....
namun kurasa jika saat itu benar datang
aku hanya akan menangis
pasrah...
dan berusaha 'move on'

Oh Tuhan maafkan aku

karena lelaki
aku menduakan Engkau....
karena lelaki
aku bersedih seperti ini
kadang kuminta Kau mengambil rasa ini
agar aku kembali menjadi 'tc' yg dulu
ceria... bawel... cerewet...
bri yang terbaik untuk Sang Bapa...

tapi hatiku tak yakin..
karena bagian terkecil dalam hatiku
masih memiliki keyakinan " he is the OnE for me"

entahlah...

Maafkan aku Bapa...
Maafkan kemunafikanku...
Maafkan kebohonganku...
Maafkan kelemahanku....

~kaNgEn~

2005-05-26T15:29:00.000+08:00

botak... botak... botak.. botak... botak... botak.. botak... botak.. botak.. botak... botakk... botak.. botak.. botak.. botak.. botak.. botak.. botak..botak...botak..botak..botak..botak..botak..botak..botak botak..botak..botak..botak..botak..bota..botak...

....

2005-05-17T12:59:00.000+08:00

Bapa...
Bapa...
Bapa...
Tolong aku....
Bangkitkan Roh Mu di dalamku...
Biar tubuhku letih...
Jasmani ku lelah
Tetapi jangan biarkan aku letih memuji Mu
Jangan biarkan aku jatuh dan menyerahh
Ku mohon...

Harus Bertahan... demi...

2005-05-10T08:32:00.000+08:00

sudah kira2 1 minggu lbh 1 hari...
kita kembali berteman...
argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
rasanya sulit sekali!
aku berasa spt a 'pathetic'
cemen bener...bisa sedih bgt gara2 hal ini...
tp sungguh...
aku sungguh2 merindukannya...
sungguh2 mencintainya...
sudah terlalu dalam!
tp kemarin aku begitu kesal padanya...
sangat kesal!
sampai2 aku harus menangis...
BODOH!!
apakah aku membenci nya karena aku sangat mencintainya?
jadi berasa 'posesif'...
padahal dia bukan lagi pacarku...
knp aku tidak bisa mengerti dirinya lbh lagi...
merelakannya? ... aku blum mau... -_-...
tp kalau teringat Bapaku...
aku pasrah dia terlepas dariku..
O TUHAN!
maafkan 'kecemenan' ku ini...

iblis KURANG AJAR!

AKU HARUS BERTAHAN...
demi...
demi dia...
demi orang tuaku...
demi Tuhanku...
dan demi diriku...

Tuhan... ampunilah aku tuk kesekian kalinya
hari ini sampai... entah kapan...
aku hanya ingin menangis...
jika aku tertawa dan tersenyum...
itu semua karena MU...
karena Engkau saja
yg menjadi batu kekuatanku...
menjadi alasan aku hidup...
yang menjadi sumber sukacitaku...
biarkan ku menemukanMu ya Tuhan
bolehkanlah aku menangis di pelukanmu...
sampai habis air mataku...
sbab aku percaya...
tiap air mataku Kau tampung
tiap tangisku Kau perhatikan
jangan ambil RohMU dari ku ya TUHAN
jangan pergi dari sisiku...
sungguh ku tak sanggup

sekali lagi iblis KURANG AJAR!!

argh... aku mulai menangis lagi...

bOtaK...

2005-05-10T03:56:00.000+08:00

i would never find another lover
sweeter than you
sweeter than you
and i would never find another lover
precious than you
precious than you
close to me like my mother
close to me like my father
close to me like my sister
close to me like my brother..
you are the only one
in my every thing...
and to you this song i sing

and all my life,
i've pray for someone like you
and i thank God that i...
i've finally found you
for all my life
i've pray for someone like you
and i hope that you feel the same way to...
yes...
i pray that you do love me to

you're all that i ever know
when you smile on your face
all i see is a clow..
you turn my life around
you've pick me up when i was down

thank you....

2005-05-01T10:42:00.000+08:00

terima kasih....

Mazmur 119: 25, 27-28, 34

2005-04-15T17:35:00.000+08:00

Jiwaku melekat kepada debu,
hidupkanlah aku sesuai dengan firmanMu
Buatlah aku mengerti petunjuk titah-taitahMu, supaya aku merenungkan perbuatan-perbuatanMu yang ajaib
Jiwaku menangis karena duka hati, teguhkanlah aku sesuai dengan firmanMu
Buatlah aku mengerti, maka aku akan memegang Taurat-Mu; aku hendak memeliharanya segenap hatiku

Dia Baik

2005-04-15T17:26:00.000+08:00

ku tau Bapa pliharaku
Dia baik...
Dia baik...
ku yakin Dia slalu sertaku
Dia baik bagiku..

lewat badai cobaan
semuanya mendatangkan kebaikan...

ku tau Bapa pliharaku
Dia baik bagiku...

~Mazmur 56: 9~
sengsaraku Engkaulah yang menghitung-hitung, air mataku Kau taruh ke dalam kirbat-Mu. Bukankah semuanya telah Kua daftarkan?

~ a little bit of me and a much more of my Father ~

Officially 11 June 2011

^_^

nov 16,2008

tick tick tick

missing you

can i ask u?

He forgives my unbelief

* myanmar, sichuan, phillippine, Sumtra Utara and other parts of The World *

thank you

luahan hati

grateful :)

Songs of Joy

D a.k.a B

140408

22/02/08 - 1:29am

The Gift of Hope

7.15 pm

3000 is minimal!

Dear mommie 2nd

dear mommie

Everything

move along

i am not a designer

Red Nose

you've done it again

just wondering... hmmm... *_*

a QueStion Mark

OA Trip Journey

OA Terlimau mission trip

FLexibLe

what a DaY!

broken wing

celebrating dissapointment

in remembering you

week that is worth it!

still

beautiful

Help Johor Flood Victims

....

sWeeTesT

why should I be anxious when I know He is my shepherd?

cought in d miDdLe >.<'

a knock on Heaven's door

.......

God's Timing aLwaYs PERFECT!.... GrOw Up tess!!

i wanNa go hOmE

sebuah pengakuan dalam bahasaku

sTanDs FoR?

Lets dReaM

is it ok to be sad??

Taylor Hicks Do i make u proud final

Taylor Hicks Do i make u proud final

mY wHiTe LiLy

Always there

CAYOOOOOOOOOOOOO

amen!

a pray of worship

a pray of worship

Believe

time for self-introspection

mommie's days

It all begins with you --> part 1

sowieee

the JoY of Letting Go

cLasSic

excitement! bad or gOoD? ... Part 2

excitement! bad or goOd? ... Part 1

someone is in love with... Part 2

someone is in love...Part 1

see ya

brand nu life

Higher

three years

rise up!

nuw days

apPriCiaTiOn ^______________^

sudah terbiasa...jadi terbiasa...

October 4, 2005

October 1st, 2005

just wondering... hmmm... _